Sometimes I just don’t know what to do….

Let me start off by saying that I love Sarah more than I could ever imagine loving anyone. She is so sweet, smart, funny, and beautiful, but sometimes she is just difficult. In the Chinese adoption community, girls that are sassy are often called “spicy.” Well, Sarah is spicy. I am not sure that I have done such a great job disciplining and teaching her appropriate behavior. Sarah lived with a foster family after leaving her biological for about 18 months before we brought her home. They were an older couple who loved and adored Sarah, but she was the “queen bee.” She wasn’t disciplined or corrected. Although, that made it harder for us, we are so thankful she was loved so much. That is what is most important. When we first came home with Sarah, we didn’t do much disciplining. We concentrated on attachment and bonding and frankly, we didn’t know what to do. I believe that I went through a period of depressed when we got home. I was lonely and felt defeated in the parenting realm. Now, a year and a half later, I am no longer depressed or lonely. I love being home with Sarah. I am enjoying not being on a strict schedule and was able to finish grad school in the meantime. However, Sarah’s behavior is challenging at times. She is so strong willed. She decided what she wants and that is it. She hardly ever compiles on the first request. Sometimes, she will tell me “I boss, mommy!” Wow. Of course, I challenged her thinking and she eventually agreed that Daddy and Mommy are the boss. I have searched my heart and mind (and lots of parenting books) recently and realized that I have made two big mistakes when it comes to parenting Sarah. The first one is that I often take Sarah’s behavior personally. I feel like it is a reflection on me and my parenting skills. There have been times when I feel like she is doing something to me and not appreciating what I am trying to do for her. Immature, I know, but that is how I feel sometimes. I also have a tendency to ask Sarah over and over again to do something (or not to do something) before implementing any consequences. So by the time I have gotten to the 5 or 6 time of asking her to stop, we are both frustrated and angry. I have behaved in some ways towards Sarah that I am not proud of. I haven’t been as patient or sweet as I should of been. I have a tendency to get into a cycle of feeling guilty and that isn’t helpful at all.

So, I am trying to change the way I discipline her. For the some part, we have good days, but the bad ones can be exhausting and intense. I love that Sarah is strong willed. I don’t think I am going to have to worry about people taking advantage of her, but it is hard to parent that part of her personality. I don’t want to change her, but she needs to learn to listen. Sometimes we are telling her to do things for her own safety. She can’t be rebellious her whole life, that won’t make her happy and content in the long run.

I wish she had come with step by step directions. If all it took to be a good parent was to love our children, then I would be the best parent in the world! I love her and she is the greatest blessing God has ever given me. Even with all of her spiciness, I would not trade her for any other little one in the world!

Hope everyone is getting ready for Christmas. All we have left to do is wrap Sarah’s gifts and Todd is graciously taking care of that.

Merry Christmas! Enjoy your time with your family and friends!

 Decorating the tree the day after Thanksgiving. Sarah insisted on wearing her ballerina outfit for the occasion. She is a beauty!

The most wonderful time of the year….

I was listening to the radio yesterday and heard the song about this being the most wonderful time of the year. Is it really? This time of year is so much more wonderful with Sarah. She is much more excited about this holiday season than she was last year. She is beginning to get excited about Christmas. She is having parties at school, going to see Christmas lights, decorating the house, and getting excited about “resents.” Although, I am enjoying this time of year, I know it is such a hard time of year for so many people. I have a dear, dear friend that lost her daughter and this time of year is so depressing for her. It is heartbreaking. I have a tendency to get caught up with the busyness of the season. I worry about whether or not I am buying the right gift, if I am decorating enough, or if everyone is having is happy. I am trying to stay in the moment this year. I am trying to relax, enjoy my family and friends, and make memories. We are also trying to teach Sarah the real meaning of Christmas. We don’t want to think that Christmas is just about gifts, but about celebrating the birth and life of Jesus and the family and friends we love so much. So, my friends, enjoy this time of year.  Love freely. Be generous with your time. Live in the moment. I am going to try to do the same!