So far so good…

I have made it to Wednesday and we are hanging in there. I am tired. Doing group therapy all day makes you tired. It has been an emotional week. Although, the class has been hard, I have enjoyed spending time with my classmates. Sarah has been clingy in the evening, but that is to be expected. She started back at preschool yesterday. She loves it. They are celebrating beach week this week so she is having lots of fun playing with water and sand. I was worried that some (or all) of my childcare arrangements would fall through, but so far so good. Sometimes, I miss working and wish I was still at my job, but yet this week, I have had such a hard time being away from Sarah. I guess I worry about her. I have enjoyed my adult time, but I think about her a lot. Working part time seems like it is the best of both worlds. That is what I am hoping for after graduation.

Hopefully we will end the week well! 

Maria

Next week….

Next week I am taking a week long extensive class. I will be in class from 8-5 Monday-Friday. Ugh. I am not looking forward to it at all. The class is group therapy, it is an application class. It will be a long, emotional week! I am worried about being away from Sarah. I am so afraid that she is going to feel abandoned or confused by my absence. I have never been away from her this much. I know that working mothers are away from their children during the week, but I guess I am just not use to it. I am use to being with her most of the time. I am sure that Sarah will be fine and I am the one with the separation anxiety.

So being away from Sarah is one issue, the other issue is getting up so early. One of my favorite things about being a SAHM is not having to “get up and go” at a certain time each day!

That brings me to what I have been thinking about lately…how I have I changed since adopting Sarah. My daily life has changed in so many ways. I no longer work outside our home. I am still in school and how I “do” school is different. It is hard to study with a little one running around. I study mostly at night when Todd and Sarah are sleeping. I hardly ever dress up anymore; I am usually in tennis shoes or flip flops. I hardly ever wake up to an alarm clock. I have changed the TV shows, movies, and music I listen to especially when little ears are around. I hardly ever shower by myself or without little eyes watching me. Todd always cooked before I began staying home. I actually don’t like to cook and I am not that good at it. I am getting better at it and don’t mind it as much. I do way more laundry than I use to. I have lost about 20 pounds since meeting Sarah. I guess I don’t sit around as much as I used to. I love play doh, finger painting, and coloring. Every grown up should spend some time with crayons and paints. My clothes always seem to have some sort of kid stain on them! We hardly go to a restaurant where we have to wait or wait for our food. Sarah isn’t patient enough for all of that. I spend lots of beautiful days at the park.

I have discovered so much about myself this past year. I am not as patient as I thought I was. I am way too emotional at times. I am not sure how to parent Sarah sometimes. I mess up. I sometimes have a hard time being a wife AND a mother. I love Sarah in a way I never thought imaginable. I am completely committed to her and her well-being. I am Sarah biggest advocate. I will fight for and with her. At the end of my life, she will have taught me more about myself than I have taught her. She has taught me so much already. She is my greatest blessing.

It felt good to express my feelings….Thanks for listening.

Maria

Too long....

It has been so long since I have updated our blog. I took five classes in the spring semester and I spent ALL of my free time studying, doing papers, or taking tests. The good thing I survived and actually did well. I am taking two classes this summer and one is the fall and I am DONE! When classes are done,  I will sit for my national board exam ( and hopefully pass) wait for my license and start looking for a job! I don't want to work full time. We have been talking about me working 15-20 hours a week. I am not sure I ever want to work full time again. I would if I had to, but I don't want to. :)

So, in a month from yesterday we have been Sarah's parents for a YEAR. I can't believe it. Time has gone by so fast. Life has changed do much! Sarah has changed so much. Here are same of the ways she has changed in a little less of a year:

She went from barely been able to walk independently to running, jumping, hopping, and riding a tricycle. 

Baths used to be HORRIBLE, she would scream and cry now she takes showers and sprays water in her face. 

She used to not be able to feed herself, now she can. She doesn't always want to, but she can. 

She didn't know how to color or draw, but now it is one of her favorite things to do. 

She used to never sleep through the night, now she mostly does (especially when she is sleeping with mommy and daddy). 

She couldn't speak any English, now we can understand most of what she is saying. She certainly understand everything we say. 

She never liked to cuddle, now she does. That is one of my favorite changes! 

She now says mommy and daddy and clearly know we are "her people." 

She recognizes people and places we see or visit often. 

She certainly does not listen as much as she used to. 

She is fiercely independent and at the ripe old age of three she knows everything! :) 

She is comfortable with us leaving her with a few select people and may even enjoy the time away from us. 

I can leave her to entertain herself in the other room for a short time.  

Of course there is so much more....she is a lovely, smart, sweet little girl!

I want to continue to keep the blog up. It feels therapeutic for me. I think I will write next on how much I have changed in the last year next. I have to process that a little before writing.  Thanks for reading!