Lots of stuff.....

Todd was gone for two weeks for work and he finally came home on Saturday. I was so glad to see him. We did good while he was gone. Our routine wasn't as scheduled so in some ways it was a little easier then when he is home. However, I had no back up. There was nobody here, but me and it was hard to be "on" all the time. Being a parent is hard. It is way harder than I thought it would be. I am learning (slowly) to give myself and Sarah more grace. I love that little girl so much. Her personality is coming out so much. She is funny and sassy! 
We decided to look for a new church. It was such a hard, sad decision. Nothing bad happened, we just felt like it was time to move on. We miss everyone, but still maintain relationships with a few families. We visited a new church this past Sunday. We liked it, the music was great and so was the sermon. We are looking for a church that has a strong childrens' ministry. We were at our church for 11 years and it was something we thought about for quite sometime. I grieved us leaving, but it is better now. We believe we made the right decision. 
We have made reservations to go to Folly Beach for three days in September. We are so excited. I can't wait to go. I hope that it will so fun and relaxing. We have never done a vacation like this with Sarah. It will be different, but good. There will be a time someday that Todd and I will be able to go away by ourselves again.  Sarah is not ready for that and I am not so sure I am either. 


Thanks for listening...
 

A year ago today....

A year ago we meet a beautiful, scared, confused little girl that would become our greatest blessing. I will never forget that day. We had just got to China that morning, we were so tried and anxious. The bus ride to meeting Sarah seemed like it took forever. Out of our travel group Sarah was the last little one to arrive. The poor baby was so upset, scared, and sad. She cried the entire ride back to the hotel and continued to cry for at least a hour. She was grieving for the family that took such good care of her for 18 months. Our hearts broke for her and them. I am sure that they miss Sarah so much. Sarah grieve the entire time when were in China and for a least month when we got home. Now, a year later she is still beautiful. She is strong, stubborn, smart, and so sweet. She has gained 8 pounds and grown 3 inches in the last year. She has changed so much...she almost seems like a different child. She is growing up so fast. I love her and can't imagine my life without her. At the end of my life, she will have taught me more about myself than I have taught her. She has changed me. She was God's perfect plan for our life. 

 She has changed so much. I got teary eyed when I saw that picture of her and Todd on the bus. It was so sad. Todd was so strong and sweet during our trip. His commitment to Sarah and our family has never wavered. Sarah is blessed to have a daddy that adores her so much.

The Big “A” in Adoption….

Attachment, attachment, attachment….

When you decide to adopt a little one, the topic of adoption is something that comes up with the adoption agency, your social worker, and other adoption families. I read books and articles on adoption before getting Sarah. Some of the books and article scared me.  I wondered of she would attach to us? Would she know how to attach? I managed to put some of those thoughts behind me and just prayed and hope that everything would be okay. When we got to China and found out that she had been in foster care, I knew that her living situation was going to help her to attach. She knew what a family looked liked. She had a mom and dad. She WAS attached and grieved for them. She grieved during our time in China and continued to when we got home. She would have night terrors and scream out for someone; I am assuming was her foster mother. It was heartbreaking to watch, but as far as attachment goes, it was a good sign. It meant that she COULD attach. On Monday, we will have been Sarah’s parents for a year. Is she attached? Yes, she is, but attachment is a process, not an event. Our attachment is something we will work on for a long time. Do I think that Sarah has some attachment issues? Sure, I do. We are her third family, who could she not? She knows we are her “people”; she comes to us for love, support, and comfort. She is secure with us leaving and coming back, but she is controlling and outright defiant at times. Those are some attachment issues. It is also part of her personality and age. Sometimes it is hard to know the difference, but don’t we, as adults, try to control situations and people when we are not secure? Sure we do and so does Sarah. Sometimes it gets better and sometimes we take steps backwards. Do I know what to do? Not always. I think it is normal for her circumstances, but I don’t always know how to move the process along. I love her and I pray that she will feel that. She attached to me quicker than she did to Todd, but I spend so much more time with her than he does. She is attached to him now. Do I worry about her attachment? I do, I worry about her so much. I am her mom. I think I am supposed to worry about her. Just being a parent is hard enough and then having this complication on top of it makes me dissect everything I do. I beat myself up for the mistakes I have made and wonder if it will effect our attachment. Sarah is a strong, strong girl. She will be okay…and so I will be.

Here are some updated pictures of our lovely!!!