Venting….

I have been thinking about writing this post for a week. I put it off because I was so emotional about the subject and wanted to write a post with some thought, not just emotions. Lately, there has been so much in the news regarding parenting and the structure and roles of moms. What bothered me the most was reading and seeing mothers ripped each other apart because their way was “better.” I just didn’t understand that. However, last week it hit me personally. I had a sweet friend call me upset and heartbroken after finding out that the mom’s in her play group were talking negatively about her kids and her parenting. What was even more heartbreaking was that NOT one of these women have ever talked to her about their thought nor have they ever offer any help to her. Nice, huh?  She is a good mom and a sweet, loving person.  Whose business is it anyway how she disciplines her children? Now, if she abusing her children that would be other people’s business, but she isn’t.  I am so tired of the debating! We debate about whether or not spanking is damaging to children, working mothers versus SAHM, breast feeding, vaccines, only feeding our children food, how much TV our children should watch, homeschooling, public vs. private schools, when a child should be potty trained, how old is too old for a bottle and a pacifier…the debating goes on and on. Maybe debating isn’t the right word, I appreciate an intelligent debate, but often there is an attitude of righteousness . What is best is what works for YOUR family, what helps you and your families grow and flourish. I have made parenting mistakes; I have had to apologize to Sarah. I have let her watch too much TV, let her drink coke, not discipline her when I should of because I was too tired, I have wished I had a job and the list goes on and on. Here is what I have done is love Sarah the best I know how. I have sought out help when I needed it. I have confessed to Sarah that I don’t know what to do. I am sure that someone has criticized my parenting! When we returned home from China, I had a hard time adjusting. Most people didn’t’ know I was struggling. Why? Because I was afraid of being judged. I was afraid that someone would day “Isn’t this you wanted?” Well, YES, it was and I still want it, but sometimes it is HARD. Often it isn’t Sarah that is hard; it is my own heart and attitude. In the last year, I have been some wonderful, loving friends who I feel comfortable being open with and seeking advice from. I love them and their families and know they want the VERY best for my family.  Now, I would be lying if I said I never criticize someone or even their parenting, but I know better now. Sarah taught me better. You just never know what is going on with a family, maybe there is a special need or problem that can’t be seen. Give other parents and children some grace. They probably need it.  I know I do!

So, what I want to say to my sweet friend’s critics is the next time you feel the need to be so cruel by talking about people and excluding them from play dates, SHUT UP and listen. Maybe the parents need help or wisdom. Love them.

My sisters, give yourself and someone else some grace today!!!

Summer....

I can't believe that the summer is here already. Last week was Sarah's last week at preschool and we are three weeks away from going to the beach for a week. Sarah had a wonderful year at school. She has grown so much. She is a much more confident, self-assured little girl than she was a year ago. Sarah is such a compassionate girl. Whenever someone is hurting or upset she becomes so concerned and will say "no cry." She will rub their back or hair. She is so sweet. We recently lost our family dog. It was so heartbreaking. Bryce was my companion for ten years and I miss him everyday! I cried everyday for a week and Sarah would lift up my glasses, wipe my eyes, and say "no cry mommy!" I love it that she is so sensitive. She is a complex little person. She is tough as nails physically. She loves to be physical. If she gets hurt, she gets right back up. She rarely complains of not feeling well. If she gets hurting doing something, she doesn't hesitate to try it again, but her feelings/emotions are a whole never ball game. She doesn't like it when other people are upset with her, especially me. She always wants to make things right. It is heartbreaking when she is hurt, her eyes will swell up with tears and her lips will quiver. One of things that Sarah and I struggle with is that I have a tendency to withdraw when things are tense and hard between us and she wants to be close. I feel guilty that because I want to get her what she needs, but it is so difficult at times. I love that little girl so much!

Sarah had surgery yesterday to have her adenoids removed, tubes put in her ears, and her sinus passages widened. She has been sick on and off for almost a year so we knew that it was time to do something to help her. Sarah is so scared of doctors, nurses, and any kind of medical procedures so it was a difficult for us to decide for her to have surgery, but we didn’t want her to be sick all the time. She had weeks of congestion, nose bleeds, and vomiting. We tried to explain to her a few days before what was going to happen, but she didn’t seem to understand. When it was time for her to be taken back to the operating room, she was so upset. She screamed, cried, kicked, and yelled. It broke my heart. I know that from the time she left us to when she was asleep was only about 30 seconds, but  it felt like forever ( I stood in the hallway and listened until she wasn’t screaming anymore). I never want her to feel left or abandoned. She is so afraid that she becomes irrational. There is not reasoning with her. It is awful. She did great during her surgery, but when I went into the recovery room, she was sitting up screaming for me. She would not lie down or rest for the nurses, she was trying to get out of the crib and pull her IV out. As soon as I picked up and sat in the recliner she fell asleep. I was so glad to have her in my arms and feel her breathe on my neck. After we went to our room, she slept for a good while, but whenever the nurses tried to take her blood pressure she would scream, cry, and fight. It is almost like she has PTSD. Her open heart surgery was obliviously a major ordeal (she had it in China before adopting her) and I am sure that she was in lots of pain. Even though she had it when she was ten months old, I am sure that somewhere in her subconscious, she remembers some of it. The nursing staff was wonderful and so patient. They did the least amount of intervention that they had to ensure that she was doing okay. Our nurse on the overnight was wonderful. He felt so bad for putting her through all of that. I keep reassuring him that it wasn’t him, but any doctor or nurse. I worried that it would harm our attachment in some way, but I haven’t seen any of that so far. She has been clingy and whiney, but I am sure that she doesn’t feel the greatest. That is one of the differences between having a biological child versus adopting one. Adoptive parents always have attachment on their minds. Some people would disagree with me, but I believe that all adoptive children have some degree of attachment issues. Anyway…back to surgery ordeal. Sarah is doing great at home today. Everyone has been so supportive and loving. We couldn’t of felt more loved and cared for. Thank you!