Next week….

Next week I am taking a week long extensive class. I will be in class from 8-5 Monday-Friday. Ugh. I am not looking forward to it at all. The class is group therapy, it is an application class. It will be a long, emotional week! I am worried about being away from Sarah. I am so afraid that she is going to feel abandoned or confused by my absence. I have never been away from her this much. I know that working mothers are away from their children during the week, but I guess I am just not use to it. I am use to being with her most of the time. I am sure that Sarah will be fine and I am the one with the separation anxiety.

So being away from Sarah is one issue, the other issue is getting up so early. One of my favorite things about being a SAHM is not having to “get up and go” at a certain time each day!

That brings me to what I have been thinking about lately…how I have I changed since adopting Sarah. My daily life has changed in so many ways. I no longer work outside our home. I am still in school and how I “do” school is different. It is hard to study with a little one running around. I study mostly at night when Todd and Sarah are sleeping. I hardly ever dress up anymore; I am usually in tennis shoes or flip flops. I hardly ever wake up to an alarm clock. I have changed the TV shows, movies, and music I listen to especially when little ears are around. I hardly ever shower by myself or without little eyes watching me. Todd always cooked before I began staying home. I actually don’t like to cook and I am not that good at it. I am getting better at it and don’t mind it as much. I do way more laundry than I use to. I have lost about 20 pounds since meeting Sarah. I guess I don’t sit around as much as I used to. I love play doh, finger painting, and coloring. Every grown up should spend some time with crayons and paints. My clothes always seem to have some sort of kid stain on them! We hardly go to a restaurant where we have to wait or wait for our food. Sarah isn’t patient enough for all of that. I spend lots of beautiful days at the park.

I have discovered so much about myself this past year. I am not as patient as I thought I was. I am way too emotional at times. I am not sure how to parent Sarah sometimes. I mess up. I sometimes have a hard time being a wife AND a mother. I love Sarah in a way I never thought imaginable. I am completely committed to her and her well-being. I am Sarah biggest advocate. I will fight for and with her. At the end of my life, she will have taught me more about myself than I have taught her. She has taught me so much already. She is my greatest blessing.

It felt good to express my feelings….Thanks for listening.

Maria