The Big “A” in Adoption….

Attachment, attachment, attachment….

When you decide to adopt a little one, the topic of adoption is something that comes up with the adoption agency, your social worker, and other adoption families. I read books and articles on adoption before getting Sarah. Some of the books and article scared me.  I wondered of she would attach to us? Would she know how to attach? I managed to put some of those thoughts behind me and just prayed and hope that everything would be okay. When we got to China and found out that she had been in foster care, I knew that her living situation was going to help her to attach. She knew what a family looked liked. She had a mom and dad. She WAS attached and grieved for them. She grieved during our time in China and continued to when we got home. She would have night terrors and scream out for someone; I am assuming was her foster mother. It was heartbreaking to watch, but as far as attachment goes, it was a good sign. It meant that she COULD attach. On Monday, we will have been Sarah’s parents for a year. Is she attached? Yes, she is, but attachment is a process, not an event. Our attachment is something we will work on for a long time. Do I think that Sarah has some attachment issues? Sure, I do. We are her third family, who could she not? She knows we are her “people”; she comes to us for love, support, and comfort. She is secure with us leaving and coming back, but she is controlling and outright defiant at times. Those are some attachment issues. It is also part of her personality and age. Sometimes it is hard to know the difference, but don’t we, as adults, try to control situations and people when we are not secure? Sure we do and so does Sarah. Sometimes it gets better and sometimes we take steps backwards. Do I know what to do? Not always. I think it is normal for her circumstances, but I don’t always know how to move the process along. I love her and I pray that she will feel that. She attached to me quicker than she did to Todd, but I spend so much more time with her than he does. She is attached to him now. Do I worry about her attachment? I do, I worry about her so much. I am her mom. I think I am supposed to worry about her. Just being a parent is hard enough and then having this complication on top of it makes me dissect everything I do. I beat myself up for the mistakes I have made and wonder if it will effect our attachment. Sarah is a strong, strong girl. She will be okay…and so I will be.

Here are some updated pictures of our lovely!!!